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In judgement “God will never forget the needy”(Ps9). Indeed His Spirit-filled Servant won’t snuff out even a smouldering wick (Matt12) #BiOY

Israel, the paradigmatic believer, is born out of fighting the God-man, the Face2Face LORD, (the Angel, Hos12:3) and losing. Gen32 #BiOY

When, ch33, Jacob= received graciously (cf prodigal, Lk15) it's an experience of Christ (v10) ‘To see yr face is like the Face of God' #BiOY

The word of Christ is seed: looks unimpressive, grows exponentially. Pray it would do its work today. #Matthew13 #BiOY

“Reuben said this to rescue him... and take him back to his father. (Gen37:22). Spoken like a true firstborn. #BiOY

Matthew13:44-52 Who is the great Seeker, Finder, Rejoicer, Redeemer? What’s that? Us you say?? Think again #BiOY

The pure, innocent, beloved son, Spirit-filled, wise ruler is raised from the pit to the throne to save the world. Gen40ff #BiOY

We struggle in the storm. Jesus comes down from on high to tread on the abyss and say "Take courage, I AM, don't be afraid." #Matt14 #BiOY

Judah guarantees his brother’s safety, volunteers as substitute, bears the shame and speaks in his defence. Gen44-45. Ditto Jesus. #BiOY

The worst characters in the Joseph story are the brothers. What do they get 4 their evil? The fat of the land! … #BiOY

Think how dreadfully the brothers behaved. Now how graciously they're saved, forgiven & blessed by the beloved son, the Spirit-filled King.


The way to inclusion is the gospel. To imagine that inclusion is a matter of tightening *or* relaxing laws is legalism.

FINE 2not call OT "Trinitarian" 4 historical/linguistic reasons
NOT FINE 2consider it "Unitarian."
That fails historically And theologically

Unitarianism is not simple theologically,
nor original historically,
nor basic methodologically.
Yet so many Christians assume exactly this.

Our multi-personal doctrine of God is not a deviation or development from a more basic monadic doctrine. It's precisely the other way around

I'm happy to be the wrong side of history if I'm the right side of His story.

Personal evangelism is not about spiritualising the odd conversation, it's about humanising all our interactions.

Can u really believe the resurrection?
- U mean can I really believe that love is stronger than death? Sure. Can u believe the alternative?

Incredible article by Frederica Mathewes-Green: When Abortion Suddenly Stopped Making Sense

Jonathan Edwards, The Miscellanies: "[God manifests his glory] not that he may receive, but that he [may] go forth..."
...the main end of his shining forth is not that he may have his rays reflected back to himself but that the rays may go forth" #OutgoingGod

Just reassured someone that "it's ok, your faith will never be pure." Trouble is I used voice recognition and faith translates as face.

This "Admirable Conjunction of Diverse Excellencies" in Jesus really is the most compelling truth in evangelism

If u only read the OT Christologically where the NT explictly does so u have a low view of the NT. Ur refusing to *learn* from the apostles

Life overwhelms me = fear (Gen15:1-3)
Love overwhelms me = faith (v4-6)
Faith overwhelms fear = assurance (v7-21)

"When ur unfollowed do not unfollow in return. Instead favourite them liberally. In so doing you will heap burning coals on their heads."

Equality does not mean interchangeability. Want proof? Try telling your kids "I love you all interchangeably."

The Man our Tree of Life(Ps1)
The 1st Adam planted in the garden(Gen2) yet cursed
The 2nd Adam planted in our humanity(Matt1) to bless #BiOY

"Be wise u rulers" (Ps2). Adam was not (Gen3) but the truly wise came to the "child born King" (Matt2), God's global & eternal Refuge #BioY

Death&judgement swallow us all (Gen5&6) but the LORD comes thru the waters(Matt3) &arises to wake us from death & lift our heads (Ps3) #BiOY

Having come thru the waters/40day judgement (Gen7-9 / Matt4), Christ brings His blessed kingdom as the Wisdom-filled Royal Son (Prov1) #BiOY

Babel’s way: self-exaltation=>scattered (Gen11).
Jesus’ way: meekness=>inheritance (Matt5).
Jesus’ is the way of joy, even now (Ps5:7) #BiOY

Ps5: Curses on the wicked But Matt5: Blessings. How? In Abe’s Seed “all nations will be blessed” (Gen12) cos He was cursed (Gal3:13f) #BiOY

Christ=Priest of God; Word of God; & Messenger of God who comes in grace to the successful; the suffering; & the sinful (Gen14;15;16) #BiOY

Don’t worry (Matt6). Wickedness won’t prosper (Matt7;Prov1). The Judge will do right (Gen18) and more, He’ll righteousify u (Gen15/17) #BiOY

God rains down His stormy judgements (Ps7; Gen19; Matt7) but He remembers His covenant & extends it to the filthy & far off (Matt8) #BiOY

DAY 10 BiOY:
As Suffering Servant, Jesus gives us His life 4our death; His peace 4our chaos; His sanity 4our madness; His mercy 4our mess (Matt8-9) #BiOY

DAY 11 BiOY:
As Jesus forgives, heals&raises (Matt9) He's not giving a divine proof so much as a demonstration of Man's true authority (v8) -> Ps8 #BiOY

DAY 12 BiOY:
Proverbs does not say Live wisely & u’ll be wise. It says UR foolish so come to Wisdom, receive the Spirit & u’ll start to live wisely #BiOY

The law reversed (Gen25:23) while the man of faith, Abe, has ‘obeyed’ laws that don’t exist, ch26:5! The Offspring makes sense of it #BiOY

“I was born reddy.” (Esau, Genesis 25:25 ) #BiOY

DAY 13 BiOY:
A good for nothing schemer is clothed in the firstborn son & blessed beyond measure (Gen27). “I will be glad and rejoice IN YOU” (Ps9) #BiOY

DAY 14 BiOY:
The proud resist. The oppressed take refuge in the Son (Ps9) as little children b4 His Father. This=God’s eternal life&rest (Matt11) #BiOY

If your desire 4 "holiness" is not precisely & without remainder a desire to love God & neighbour, what u really want is 2b holier than thou

If new birth was about all about conversion moments, Nicodemus would be a bad poster-boy. (John 3; 7; 19)

On Twitter celebs can mask how insecure they are. On podcasts it becomes painfully obvious.

One implication for pastoral care: Let people talk. When words flow the heart is revealed. One of our biggest problems in church life is we only have Twitter length chats.

If you want to get to the heart you have to go long form.

When the Son defers to the Father we are not seeing a denial of the Trinity but an expression of it.

When we see the Father-Son dynamic their equality of being is not denied but described. The Spiritual Father-Son relationship IS God's Being

God doesn't really ask you to love the world. He does that. You love your neighbour.

God's cure for a despairing heart: Take to aspirin' and call Me in the mourning.

Every time we ask God to prolong our lives we're asking Him to defer our true healing.

The surest way to kill your ministry is to seek your life in it.

"I really feel like in 2016 I need to lose my identity in Jesus."

A good Muslim is a slave of Allah. A good Buddhists is one with the universe. Even the worst Christian is one with Jesus

Materialist: a slave 2 impersonal laws
Buddhist: one with an impersonal cosmos
Theist: slave of a personal God
Xian: one with a personal God

I feel like social media is making us all more moral. Hopelessly, horribly, wearyingly moral.

To the right we face Islam. To the left secularism. Both are historical deviations from orthodox Christianity: of the 7th and 17th centuries

Islam tries to deal with an unmediated God. The Enlightenment tries to deal with an unmediated world. Both need Christ.

"There are two books, the book of God and the book of the world"

The name of God acc. to Numbers6
The LORD the Fountainhead of blessing
The LORD the radiant Face
The LORD the personalising Peacemaker

Low churches don't get rid of liturgy they spread it across the week. Less structured on Sunday often means Very structured 4everything else

"He who loves his wife, loves himself." Eph5:28. This statement is not reversible. You can't just love yourself and claim ur loving yr wife.

In this way God can be said to love Himself, but He does so by loving us. His other-love is so vast it draws us in Christ into His very self

And even as we come in on God's own life to be loved - that life is other-centred. The Spirit unites us to Christ to be loved by the Father.

Muhammed. Darwin. Jesus. Mao. The State. The Free Market. Each can produce extremists, right? So think: whose radicals harm? Whose help?

If the West can't see IS as theological maybe it's cos their eg of religion (the western church) is so untheological.

Part of why the west only deals in political/cultural/psychological motivations is cos the western church has only dealt in those.

Sometimes debates about atonement sound like a skirmish at the temple over which sacrifice is more important. All the while Aaron's ignored

In the Sumerian myths, humanity was created in order to feed the gods. In the Bible, God makes Himself food for us (John 6:51)

Recently I was in a service where we repeatedly sang to God "Consume me." I'm glad for a worship tradition centred on consuming Him.

Jesus said "You must be born again." He didn't say you must know when it happened. And He definitely didn't point u to your own experiences

The two lies Twitter whispers: 1. Send that snarky comment now, you won't regret it. 2. Send that deep thought later, you will remember it.

Repentance and faith are not two hurdles to jump, more like two sides of the same coin. And that coin - Christ Himself - is given to us.

There really is no "salvation" in the Quran. There are only the "successful" and the "losers".

"The Father is never without the Son, for it is impossible that glory should be without radiance or the lamp without brightness." -Nyssa

Sin disqualifies you from praying like sickness disqualifies you from the doctor. (Mark2:17) We come to Christ *in* our need.

1 Proclaim the gospel as subversive of "religion"
2 Wait 5 secs til someone quotes Jam1:27; 1Tim5:4
3 READ those verses
(No-one ever does 3)

Nothing subverts "religion" like James 1:27 and 1 Timothy 5:4. They say: "Wanna see our "religion"? Check out our orphan care."

So essentially the only 2 references to religion in the whole Bible are utterly subversive of the idea of "religion" as commonly understood.

Dear Christmas Preacher, ur right "Jesus didn't stay in the manger." But the point is not that "He grew up" it's that "He descended further"

Christmas preaching - maybe even more than Easter preaching - sorts out theologians of glory from theologians of the cross.

You have come into a sizeable inheritance. -- The New Testament

The Quran could have done with a strong editor. And maybe a narrative arc. In fact just a narrative would have helped.

Learn from history's central figure, hear the world's bestseller, see humanity's largest sociological movement, pray, drink tea. #trychurch

Jesus: the eternal RADIANCE of the ever-shining Glory; The eternal WORD of the ever-speaking Father; The eternal SON of the ever-living God. 

The love that God IS (1 John 4:8)...
is the love that came down at Christmas (v9)...
and is now ours through the cross (v10)

When John asks us to picture "God is love", he doesn't give us a heavenly group hug but a crib and a cross.

Knowingly or unknowingly, every proposer / opponent of bombing is standing on the Bible. Just War vs Pacifism is a deeply Christian debate.

Preach 4 decision=>communities of the strong whose zeal needs fortifying
Offer Christ=>communities of the weak whose faith needs feeding

Atonement is extremely limited. It's in Christ alone. But in Him there's all the forgiveness in the world.

Most folks' reaction to a baby: "Who's a clever boy?" The wise men worshipped. So were they wise? Answering that Q is the heart of Christmas

You don't have to feel forgiven. At times all you can do is look to Jesus - guilty sinner that you are - and let Him be your righteousness.

You don't have to feel hopeful. At times all you can do is look to Jesus - in the midst of your despair - and let Him hope for you.

Church leaders are shepherds. "The professionals" are like vets. Vets can be life-savers. But shepherds always maintain their pastoral care.

Learn contentment where UR;
Accept it as a gift;
There's an evangelistic purpose;
Ultimately UR free
Love&do what u want;
Not long now

The virgin birth: because man cannot make a Messiah.

Virgin birth in atheism: a cosmos from nothing
Xity: Jesus from Mary
Life from non-life in atheism: abiogenesis
Xity: Jesus from the tomb

Christ is Pictured, Present and Promised in the OT. Eg Gen 22: Pictured in Isaac, Present as the Angel, Promised as the Seed

Another eg... Genesis 3 Present: The Voice of the LORD God walking... Pictured: The clothes of skin Promised: The Serpent crushing Seed.

Another eg... Exodus 3
PRESENT: The Angel of the LORD; The I AM
PICTURED: The burning (but not consumed) bush

Christ in Isaiah 6
PRESENT: The appearing LORD (Jn12:41)
PICTURED: the fiery coals of atonement
PROMISED: the Holy Seed beyond exile.

Some Christians refuse to see OT theophanies as, specifically, christophanies *because of the trinity*. This confuses and concerns me >

< Trinity means we can be certain who the appearing LORD is (John1:18). He is the Only Son - as the fathers unanimously testified till Aug.>

<Beyond the Fathers let's heed Calvin, Owen & Edwards: LINK. Christ is THE Image of the invisible God


Culture wars: Luke 15 without the father.

We're all self-justifiers: living by law; judging others by that law. In this sense there are no licentious people, only brands of legalism.

Exhibit A: Twitter Outrage™

Last Christmas, I gave Him my heart,
But the very next day, I gave it again.

Today we think of Christ's exclusivity as a barrier to evangelism. In the OT it was the heart of their joyful message: Who is like the LORD?

Terence McKenna: "Modern science is based on the principle: ‘Give us one free miracle, and we’ll explain the rest.’... This miracle is the appearance of all the mass and energy in the universe and all the laws that govern it in a single instant from nothing.

There is no-one like Jesus. Fact.

Perhaps the Bible does have an ontological argument for God, but with Jesus as the Subject. "None greater can be conceived" than *Him*

A God who incarnates is greater than a God who never meets us; a God who bleeds for the world is clearly greater than mere transcendence etc

Mark 10: For "little children" heaven's gates are as wide as Jesus' arms. For the self-sufficient they are as narrow as the eye of a needle.

God GIVES our life to us [Father]...
then God GIVES His life for us [Son]...
and then God GIVES His life in us [Spirit]

The Greeks believed in the immortality of the soul. Christians believe in the resurrection of the dead.

Many disputes about the Spirit (His Person, prominence, role and gifts) sounds scarily like Subordinationism vs Tritheism.

We are to be God-like (Eph5:1). According to context (Eph4:32) how does God-likeness look? It looks like lavish and undeserved forgiveness

God does not save you so He can love you. He loves you and therefore saved you. (Psalm 18:19) #LoveComesFirst

Some prayers confuse the Persons ("Father thank you for dying...") Worse, others ignore the Persons and speak of "God" in the 3rd person.

True prayer happens in the 2nd Person.

God's grace is God Himself. It is His overflowing life: the Father anointing the Son beyond measure.

A Christ-less God is as idolatrous as a Father-less Christ.

Last week and this week I had *long* convos with the same atheist after Alpha. Tonight it went Much better. The difference? We ate together

Human love comes into being thru that which is pleasing to it. God's love does not find, but creates, that which is pleasing to it. (Luther)

When engaging magicians and mediums why are Christians more likely to believe in 'contamination' than when we engage Muslims & materialists?

Jesus is Lord of all lords just as the cross is the throne of all thrones.

Jesus isn't just a Bigger Lord (as though the cross is just a Bigger throne). He conquers all Lords by serving beneath them.

As u see Jesus moving towards tax collectors, prostitutes, lepers, SINNERS... hear Him say John5:19 "I only do what I see my Father doing."

The theology of the cross is "down and out". It reaches down to the depths then out to the ends of the earth.

The Arian Jesus relates to God like the moon to the sun. The Biblical Jesus relates to God like sunshine to the sun.

(Heb 1:3) The Son cannot empty Himself *of* divine glory. His divine glory *is* His self-emptying.

I don't need my daughter to change world. I just need her to know the One who already has

One man suffered&died for sin to redeem the cosmos: Christ
This only makes sense if one man suffered&died for sin to curse the cosmos: Adam

"The world was made so that Christ might be born" David Fergusson

Ecclesiastes: good&bad swallowed by grave
Job: Good suffers bad
Song: Good shares all w beloved
Prov: the wise life in union with the Good

Ecclesiastes: Life before Christ
Job: Christ the righteous servant suffers and is vindicated
Song: Union with Christ
Prov: Life in Christ

"Progressive revelation" in the Bible is fine so long as we're clear that revelation prrogresses *from* Christ not *to* Him.

Worry: talking to yourself about your problems
Prayer: talking to your Father about His promises

Romans 8 repeats "IN all these things..." IN our battles God is working to bring good, v28.

IN our suffering we are more than conquerors v37 Not "after", not "above", not "instead of", not "besides"... "IN". Right here, right now...

At best Yom Kippur hit 'snooze' on sin. The cross hit 'dismiss' forever. Hebrews 9:9-14

We are hidden WITH Christ IN God(Col3:3). Christ originally is the One taking refuge in God (cf The Psalms). Now, in Him, His refuge is ours

I'm about as interested in 'the concept of God' as I am in marrying 'a carbon based life form.' It's *Jesus* who has won my heart.

It's so sad (and common) when hurting people say "It's too hard to be Christian right now." As though Jesus is a burden borne by the strong

Re-reading the Quran (nothing to do w recent events) I'm struck again: it's overwhelmingly adjectives not verbs that are connected to Allah

Compare the instruction of the Quran with the stories of the Bible. Or the Pillars and 99 Names with the Creeds. The God of Jesus *acts*

You can doubt Christ's Lordship by bemoaning your lack of health or wealth.
You can also doubt it by bemoaning your lack of cultural power.

Sometimes debates about atonement sound like a skirmish at the temple over which sacrifice is more important. All the while Aaron's ignored.

Muhammed. Darwin. Jesus. Mao. The State. The Free Market.
Each can produce extremists, right? So think: whose radicals harm? Whose help?

People are calling my festive poem "contrived" but I think you're gonna love my ode to a scary isthmus

Evangelists often slip in prayer and church as "the fine print" of the gospel offer. In fact communion with God and His people is the goal.

Loving sheep means bashing wolves.

All anger is righteous. It's just usually self-righteous.

Societies flourish under the rule of law.
Families depend on the rule of grace.

The law makes righteousness compulsory. The gospel makes it compelling.

This is why our OT theology must go beyond shadows & types. We must see how the OT already has a Christian doctrine of *God*

Trinity is not a problem to solve, it's the answer.

The Angel of the LORD is either mad, bad or God (e.g. Gen 16; 22; 48:16; Ex 3; Judges 2; 6; 13)

What a man is - alone, with an uncooperative sat nav, patchy reception and running 20 minutes late - that he is and no more.

Before Jesus baptises others, He has a baptism to undergo (Matt 3:11 -> 13-17). It's the same for us (Mark 10:39).

Such a 'baptism' means suffering in solidarity with others while knowing the Father's love, the Spirit's filling and Jesus' presence.

Baptism = an essential prerequisite for evangelism. I don't just mean conversion or an experience of the Spirit but knowing God in suffering

Quranic apologetics: U won't find a "Surah like it" (a comparable chapter of Scripture)
Biblical apologetics: U won't find a Saviour like HIM

"God is light" does not temper or qualify "God is love", it explains it. God's love blazes. God's love is a consuming fire.

Jesus does not offer 'full life' as opposed to 'mediocre life' (John 10:10).
He offers 'full life' as opposed to 'death' (John 5:24)

Life: don’t assume, presume or consume it.
Entomb it.
God will exhume it.

"And over all these virtues put on..."
...a cynical attitude?
...a witty persona?
...good looks?
...a know-it-all air?
No. "Love." (Col3:14)

The world will not flock to church 4 fun activities or cultural/philosophical analysis. The 1 thing they think we might know about is Jesus

For the Christian, "union with God" is not the finish line, it's the foundation.

Grief is hellish: "A darkness that is felt." "Weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth." An absence that becomes an all-consuming presence.

Other ancient near eastern cultures: The nations are terrible but we are the best.
OT Israel: The nations are terrible but we are the worst.

Abraham, the man of faith, fulfilled the law even apart from law (Gen26:5)
Moses, the man of law, failed 2 inherit cos he broke faith (Dt32)

We are seeds. Dying to live

Christmas / Easter / Pentecost,
Crib / Cross / Crown,
Flesh / Blood / Spirit,
Bread / Wine / Water,
Jesus is given to us body, soul & spirit

Trinity was never the "deification" of Jesus (as though we know what "divine" means apart from the Son). Trinity=the Christianization of God

4th Century: The Creed= Christ Alone applied to doctrine of God
16th Century: The Reformation= Christ Alone applied to doctrine of salvation

Trinitarian debates are really about securing "Christ alone." If Jesus is THE Word of God then He cannot be inferior cos He IS the Standard.

2) Whose name do we call on for salvation? / Who is the Saviour?

3) Is Jehovah fundamentally "Father"? Without an eternal Son, He can't be, can He?

4) If the Father is a superior *being* to the Son (because He is "Head", 1Cor11:3), am I a superior being to my wife?

5) How could Jehovah be Father/Light/Speaker/Head without Christ His eternal Son/Radiance/Word/Body?

Having said all this, our JW's most striking question was this: "Why hasn't your church knocked on my door? Acts20:20" Great point!

- I can't forgive if they don't deserve it.
- You can Only forgive if they don't deserve it.

If Jesus isn't Lord I don't know who is. And neither does anyone else (John1:18; 14:6; Col1:15; 2Cor4:4).

You don't have a Jesus-shaped hole in your world. You have a Jesus-shaped world.

God's son redeemed from slavery into a whole new kingdom of life and hope - the story of Israel (Ex4:22); the story of the cosmos (Phil2)

Paul doesn't say "Let the one who boasts cut down on their boasting" he says "Let them boast in the Lord." The expulsive power of a new brag

If the narcissism of social media bothers you (and it should), the answer is not policing others or prohibiting yourself but proclaiming Him

Productive Christian living is not spinning plates or laying bricks. It's far more fruitful and far less busying. It's abiding in the Vine.

In 1Pet5:5-7 anxiety is linked to pride. We imagine our lives&futures are in our hands. We humble ourselves *by* casting our cares on God

"When you walk through the storm, hold your head up high, and don't be afraid of the dark... For you'll never walk alone." (Lev 26:12)

"I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better." Abraham Lincoln

In Christianity forgiving a sin is virtually the opposite of excusing a sin.

Does forgiveness pervert justice? No.
1 Forgiveness requires justice
2 Forgiveness rises above justice
3 Forgiveness re-establishes justice

"Yeah, yeah, sure. But this guy Jesus... What if *He's* actually God??" <--- #evangelism Not: "What if Jesus is GOD?" Instead: "What if JESUS is God?" The former assumes people already know God. The latter lets Jesus define Him

CH Spurgeon on Psalm 88: The mind can descend far lower than the body, for it there are bottomless pits... ...The flesh can bear only a certain number of wounds and no more, but the soul can bleed in ten thousand ways and die over and over again each hour... Under the influence of certain disorders everything will wear a sombre aspect and the heart will dive into the profoundest deeps of misery... It's all very well for those in robust health and full of spirits 2 blame those whose lives are sicklied over with the pale cast of melancholy... but the evil is as real as a gaping wound, and all the more hard to bear because it lies so much in the region of the soul... Reader, never ridicule the [depressed], their pain is real. Though much of the evil lies in the imagination, it is not imaginary."

Preacher: the Bible is not a reservoir to bring us back to, it's a river already flowing. Preaching is part of the Bible's dynamic movement.

Faith is never described in the Bible as a response to evidence per se. It's a response to the word /the gospel /preaching /Christ crucified

“God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars.” Martin Luther

“Prayer is not overcoming God’s reluctance. It is laying hold of His willingness.” Luther

Israel was chosen in light of the Seed and for the sake of the nations. God's people are those who are "in Christ" and "for the world".

What is the Bible? The users manual? Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth? No. Most fundamentally it's the Spirit's testimony to the Son.

What is Bible reading? Your pious offering to God? No, His personal offering to you: "Behold my Son!"

"You are designed to be a burden to me and I... to you. [Our life] should be one of 'mutual burdensomeness.'" John Stott

What did you expect? This is the Lamb's world.

Some thoughts for preachers: "The preacher's movement does not consist so much in going towards the congregation as in coming from Christ."

"Preaching is `God's own Word', that is to say, through the activity of preaching, God himself speaks." (Barth, Prayer & Preaching)

[More Barth] Preaching is "announcement" more than "description" (P&P). This is because the Bible is already "proclamation in writing" (I/1

The purpose of Judgement Day is not to inject uncertainty into our future.
Judgement is God's way of securing our future from all evil.

"I will give my life" - the pig-sty'd prodigal.
"I will find my boy" - the running father.
One resolve intends slavery, the other: sonship

Eastbourne has many gleaming saints who've learnt the secret of contentment and many grumbling souls who have not. *Old age* does not mature

Athanasius (on Psalms): "He suffered for us and bore in Himself the wrath that was the penalty of our transgression." Early Church PSA.

How did Jesus go about "breathing on His disciples" in John 20:22? Dunno, but He's given us the Bible so He can keep doing it (2Tim3:16)

The Lamb unlocks the scroll.

The median date for the folios is 4 yrs b4 Muhammed received his revelations. The latest is 5 yrs b4 the Quran was supposedly written down. Imagine finding a copy of the sermon on the mount dating to Jesus' infancy. That's the problem 4 this 'oldest Quran' (LINK)

"Wherever you are, be all there." Jim Elliot. (I think it was Jim Elliot, I heard it on a podcast while doing admin).

"Be the place the violence ends". <- Francis Spufford's excellent summary of "turn the other cheek". We're through the worst of it. (Romans 13:12) Earth's heaven is heaven's hell. Heaven's heaven is earth's hell. Virtue signalling: the essence of Pharisaism (Matthew 6); the engine of social media. If you're struggling it's very likely that friends will "say the wrong thing". But it's also very likely that you will hear the wrong thing. "Now that I have washed your feet, you should wash mine"? No grace runs downhill. "God does not need your good works, but your neighbor does." Martin Luther Just had a Great chat w a Muslim using Jay Smith's conversation starter: "I think Jesus is God & the Bible is God's word do u have an opinion?" It's not just that God condescends to reveal Himself. Incredibly His condescension reveals *Himself* Whatever else is said about Pharaoh's hardening, understand that he is not a random individual but the head of the house of the wicked. The "exclusivity of Christ" is the good news that God is *none other* than the One who died for the world. What is ultimate reality? The one: monotone. The many: cacophony. The Three: harmony. Salvation is not a taxi, it's a free bus.You neither drive nor pay. You find yourself with others on the bumpy road to a sure destination. Trinity is not a problem to solve, it's the answer. It's a unitarian god who really makes no sense. How can an eternal monad ever break free from the prison of their own transcendence? The Bible doesn't tell us to *reach* Israel so much as to *be* Israel in reaching the world. Forgiveness does not abolish the need for good behaviour. Forgiveness assumes those ethical expectations and then establishes them truly

Just used the self-checkout or "mirror" as I call it

Babies smell incredibly good considering they spend their days marinating in urine.

Well done England. You have won the Worst Ashes Ever.

Well done bowlers. You've thrashed the batsmen 5-0 in this #Ashes #bbccricket

Well done Australia - you outgunned England with both bat and ball - AUS: 2565/80 versus ENG: 2365/81

This hasn't been a great game for the neutrals #ENGvSWI

At the Chick Pea Speedway, we get pulses racing.

Try my inflatable crystal ball. It's clearbuoyant

I hated being School Superintendant. I should have quit while I was a head

Don’t be taken in by conspiracy theories. They're all just government plots to discredit their enemies.

I’m allergic to placebos but thankfully my doctor says she’s got just the sugar pill to cure me.

My therapist just doesn't get my underlying motivation. Shame

I invited Usain Bolt to play the lead in my Robert Louis Stevenson play. Unfortunately he can run but he can't Hyde

[Smiling actor turns to camera]
"Here at Spines For You..."
[Extreme close up}
"... We've got your back."
[BAFTAS all round]

I'm sorry I called you emotionally stunted. No hard feelings?

On the cross, the Father offered Christ to the world.
In the word, the Spirit offers Christ to me.

Poor? Brokenhearted? Mourning? Bound? Christ is good news, comfort, gladness, freedom, a robe of praise & righteousness #Is61 #EnjoyYourDay

Just been asked my sexuality on a form. NO idea how to answer. Going with: "Happily married to a woman, thanks for asking."

How is God three & one? The First thing we say is "Differently. God is 1 *Being*, 3 *Persons*. Not 3 beings. Not 1 Person. No contradiction!

"Dear God, once again, I'm *really* sorry for that sin?" "What sin?" (Hebrews 10:17) #EnjoyYourDay

I Really like the English Standard Version. I just wish it used more standard English.

EG: "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy" (Phil 1:3-4)


We spend our lives trying to become wise, righteous, special, free. We have it all in Jesus: 1Cor1:30 #EnjoyYourDay

Your handsome, righteous Warrior King is God from God. He’s soaked with the Spirit of Joy and He LOVES His bride: Psalm 45 #EnjoyYourDay.

A life of faith, hope and love isn't the price of salvation, it's the prize: yours for free in Jesus (Col 1:3-6) #EnjoyYourDay

We call it freedom when we follow our natural desires.
Ephesians 2 calls it slavery.
If that sounds paradoxical, think Addiction

Three guidelines for biblical interpretation:
1) It's the word of *Christ*;
2) It makes wise the *simple*;
3) It's meant to be *preached*.

"Sorry, snowed under" "I'm not a miracle worker" "I wish u hadn't told me that": Things u won't hear from Jesus. #TalkToHim #EnjoyYourDay

"Who are you in the story? *Jesus* is the Good Samaritan. I'm the guy by the side of the road." #nwunited15

Who are you in the story? *Jesus* is Joseph, the Spirit-filled ruler. I'm the brother he forgives and blesses

Who are you in the story? *Jesus* is the bold Seeker and Finder. For some reason He pursues dormant lost me as His treasure (Matt13)

It's extremely significant that Darwin and Dawkins are good writers. Storytelling changes the world

Just imagine it: the Father selecting a sacrificial Lamb "for your sake" - His precious, eternal, spotless Son. 1Peter1:17-20 #EnjoyYourDay

The Cast of Psalms
1. The LORD
2. The Blessed Man/Anointed King
3. The righteous in Him
4. The wicked
Every Psalm's a combination of these 4

When the Lord acts for the sake of His own name He's saying: "I'm not saving u cos of what you're like, I'm saving u cos of what I'm like."

God's glory is expressed in His utter self-giving: in eternity, in creation, in salvation. But we don't suck that grace out of Him, it flows

Sore, Snake-bitten, Sullen? The Son of Man was lifted up for you. Look and live. John3:14f #EnjoyYourDay

#Psalm22 Christ goes to the depths of the earth so He can reach to the ends of the earth.

The Son is the radiance of God's glory. Just as there is no Son-less God, there is no Sun-less glory. God's glory is eternal self-SHARING.

Therefore when God acts 4 His glory it's the very opposite of self-centredness. He is determining always 2b the outgoing, radiant Self-Giver

Eph 1:18-23 – The power of His resurrection is in you, the purpose of His resurrection is for you #EnjoyYourDay

How do u picture the love that God *is*? (1Jn4:8) Not the warm fuzzies of a group hug - it's the love that took Christ to the cross (v10)

“Whoops!” “Never thought of that!” “My hands are tied” “It’s beyond fixing” - phrases our Father never says #EnjoyYourDay

1 Peter has a verse about being prepared to speak. It has 105 verses about being prepared to suffer.

God’s love, which is completely yours in Jesus, is Forever, Fatherly and Forgiving: Psalm 103 #EnjoyYourDay

Some put their bios in the third person. Mine’s in the Second Person (Galatians 2:20)

"I've died and gone to heaven" - words describing a euphoric experience. Words describing every Christian. Col3:3 #EnjoyYourDay

Radical liturgists set the world to rites

I couldn’t bare it if they outlawed nudism.

Anti-nudists are so clothes-minded

The opposition to my nudism consists, largely, of vested interests.

I have an annoyingly brief argument for nudism so bare with me

My stripper name is Mobius. I NEVER show my backside.

- I'm totes soz for making fun of your hearing aids...
- Really?
- Yes, deffo.

The 9th circle of Dante’s inferno is shaped like a noose. I was puzzled, then I thought: Why the hell knot?

My wife's family have no idea why she married me. Pity.

Probably the most helpful movie for your youth group to watch is "Dude, Where's Micah?"

If you don't mind I'll call you a physicalist.

Genesis: Snakes and Ladders
Psalms: Hide and Seek

Galatians: Noughts and Crosses
1Peter: Simon Says

Joshua: Conkers
Romans: More than Conkers

Leviticus: Pass the Pigs
Jonah: Keep Away

Joel: Cricket(s)
Revelation 8: Hurling

1 Samuel 4:18 - Snap!
Matthew 28:2 - Boulderdash

“You had me at hell…” Jerry M’aiah (Lam 3:55)

Your Mediator lays one hand on you, one hand on God and He's never letting go. #Job9 #EnjoyYourDay

'Happy are those who have a faith?' No. 'Happy are those who believe in sovereignty?' No. 'Happy are those whose God is the LORD.' Ps144:15

Imagine a Buddhist Lib Dem leadership candidate who Personally thinks meat is murder. If u say that disqualifies him, who's being illiberal?

Fascinating. Reflections on extra-terrestrial intelligence or the lack thereof #FermiParadox LINK

We'll enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy our crown. Gladness&joy will overtake us & sorrow&sighing will flee away. Is51 #EnjoyYourDay

For the Christian, yesterday's forgiven, tomorrow's forbidden, today is given. #EnjoyYourDay

This explains why the English think the Australians are arrogant and the Australians think the English are proud. Both are correct of course.

God>Devil; Christ>Adam; Spirit>Flesh; Church>World; Grace>Sin; New Creation>Old Creation; Glory>Suffering. #EnjoyYourDay

By the way, these are "greater than" symbols, not arrows. But I'm sure you can do the maths.

‘Our task is not to tell people that they must believe in Jesus, but so to tell them of Jesus that they must believe in Him.’ @SteveRHolmes

William Carey was a phenomenal saint. But he wasn't "the father of modern missions." The Father of mission is a role forever occupied.

Just got to use my favourite theological word. Equiprimordial. Let's get it #trending #Equiprimordial

In Isaiah, 4 times we are 'the work of God's hands'. Twice Isaiah *describes* God's hands: They are 'held out to us' & 'cut'. #EnjoyYourDay

Think of Job's suffering. Now think of ch42 where the LORD redeems it *all*. "He is full of compassion & mercy." James5:11 #EnjoyYourDay

What drives us: Looking good in the presence of judgement. What delivers us: Looking bad in the presence of love.

"Let's not go to church, let's BE church." Ok and "Let's not spend time with our spouses let's BE married."

#Psalm32 Christ has our sins counted against Him so that we can have His unfailing love surrounding us.

In despair we have Forgiveness for yesterday and a Future tomorrow but most precious of all, right now we have a Friend. Job 16:19-20

He's God's Son, the Spirit's Anointed and a Man for all men: Jesus, the Mediator, holds *everything* together. 1Tim2:5-6 #EnjoyYourDay

Spirituality 101: We come to God as unspiritual, thirsty, hungry and cold-hearted. (Isaiah 55:1-3). If we don't begin there we don't begin.

So much God-talk = "talk about 'Man' in a loud voice." (Feuerbach).
So much "missio Dei"-talk = "talk about 'missio hominis' in lofty tones"

God's mission - His outgoing, sending love - is not a response to the world. God's mission is the reason for the world.

"[God’s pleasure] is a pleasure in diffusing and communicating to, rather than in receiving from, the creature." Jonathan Edwards.

God has no need of galaxies, gorillas, guavas or you. It's all a sheer gift. We say "You shouldn't have." He says "I wanted to."

You are not needed, you are wanted.

Jesus is your Brother. He is not ashamed of you. Heb 2:11 #EnjoyYourDay

(1) God gives us our lives so (2) He can give us His life. And since we still don't grasp it (3) He gives us even the receiving of that gift

This is the doctrine of the Trinity. It's another way of saying "God is Giver."

If ur in on Jesus, ur in on Everything. 'The Father himself loves u b/c u've loved me & believe that I came from God.' Jn16 #EnjoyYourDay

How's your relationship with God? As good as your Priest's - Heb 5:1-9 #EnjoyYourDay

Thru wilderness trials the Father promises: "My Presence (Christ!) will go with you and I will give you rest." Ex33 #EnjoyYourDay

Wesley once said "The world is my parish." Wonderfully, through immigration we can say: "The world is *in* my parish." Timothy Tennent

The Son of David has a great "largeness of heart" (1 Kings 4:29). There's plenty of room for you. #EnjoyYourDay

"Now, about Thesis 1: I can only apologise." -- Martin Luther.

Breaking News: SpecSavers Shuts Down After Bible Study in Matthew 7. An internal audit will be carried out by PlankPluckers.

They've all tried, but no-one has really figured out why Emma married me. Pity.

Agnosticism could be wrong, you never know.

You think I'm obsessed with Bob Holness? O please!

I'd like to breed racing deers. I hear it's a great way to make a fast buck.

Every time I hear a hypochondria gag I wonder if I've got it.

I'm an all-or-nothing sculptor. For me it's full statue or bust.

I thought I was being triply penitent but no one appreciated my sorry excuse for an apology.

I'd like to open a massive clothing store called "Big Ts" and then refuse to sell any T-shirts.

"Atheism isn't a belief, it's the absence of belief." Really? And I suppose anarchism is the absence of political convictions?

"If God made the world, who made God?" That's like asking "If the sun enlightens the earth, what enlightens the sun?"

"I don't believe in God." I probably don't believe in the god you're imagining either. Let's talk about Jesus...

"I could never be religious." Many say 'I could never be married' but then they meet The One. That's who Jesus is to me...

"How can u believe in the virgin birth of Jesus?" How can u believe in the virgin birth of the cosmos? Talk about miraculous

"Theres no need for God, science explains it all." I can explain that sentence. No need for you?

"If you grew up in 12th century Nepal you wouldn't be a Christian." If you grew up there you wouldn't be a sceptic.

"U believe we're born sick & commanded 2b well." No we're born hungry & offered Bread. As with the physical so the spiritual.

"Suffering rules out God." Which God? To be sure many gods are incompatible with suffering but what about the crucified God?

"To say Jesus is The One Way is narrow." But u insist on One Way to consider religions. That's narrow. The cosmic Christ isn't

"To say sex/marriage is for 1 man and 1 woman is homophobic." Think of a Buddhist. Is their vegetarianism carnivore-phobic?

"Religions cause all wars." Nope, about 7%. LINK God isn't the common denominator in war. Humanity is.

"Why doesn't God just forgive?" Ever tried it? It hurts! It means self-sacrifice cos forgiving a debt means absorbing the cost

"Christians are hypocrites." Christians are SINNERS so we must drop All masks including the worst one: the No-Hypocrisy-Mask

"I wish I had your faith." If I recommend my doctor, u don't need my faith in her, u need HER. U don't need faith but Jesus.

"If God knew there'd be suffering, why create?" Every parent knows their children will suffer, they give life nonetheless.

Good news, you don’t need to “find your identity in Jesus”! Christ IS your life. #Col3 #EnjoyYourDay

If everyone has a god then "divine sovereignty" might turn out to be a particularly empty tautology. The question is Which God reigns?

You say 'divine sovereignty', I prefer 'fatherly providence.' Or how about 'JESUS is Lord.'

Human religion: Humanity justifying itself before a watching God.
The gospel: God justifying God before a watching humanity.

To be in the Word of the Father IS to be in the book of life.

It’s not just your sins – *you* have been transferred to Christ. Now you inhabit the realm of the Beloved Son. Col1:13f #EnjoyYourDay

Jesus is not a means to other ends: salvation, heaven, forgiveness, assurance, etc.
He IS those things.

When Jesus came to the Jordan He didn’t Judge the failures, He joined them: entering our filth to bring us 2 His Family #Matt3 #EnjoyYourDay

Are you a Christian? Jesus is yours and you are His. Song of Songs 6:3 #EnjoyYourDay

Weeping then joy, anger then favour, mourning then dancing, the pit then the heights Ps30 One morning soon will be The Morning #EnjoyYourDay

Jesus was not serenely euthanised for our sins. He died in loneliness, ugliness, tumult & agony. A real Saviour for real sinners.

Gal2:20 Your "I" (active subject) has been crucified & no longer lives. Your "me" (passive object) is loved and laid hold of. #EnjoyYourDay

#5LeviticalOfferings: Old life condemned, New offered to God, Guilt cleansed, Recompense made, Peace secured. #ChristHasDoneIt #EnjoyYourDay

"Jesus the Name high over all, in hell or earth or sky. Angels and men before it fall, and devils fear and fly." #EnjoyYourDay

God's YES resounds from heaven at Christ. His AMEN booms back on our behalf&the Spirit seals us into the circle of trust 2Cor1 #EnjoyYourDay

Saw my MP in London this week. She said she was off to respond to emails, the 1st of which ended "When will I get justice for me & my cat??"

As Word of God Jesus doesn't just keep God's promises, He *is* God's promise to you, earthed forever into your humanity. #EnjoyYourDay

When life feels beyond u remember it always is. "But this happened that we might not rely on self but God who raises the dead" #EnjoyYourDay

Feeling lonely and afflicted? The LORD Jesus guards u, rescues u, frees u, confides in u & forgives all your sins. #Psalm25 #EnjoyYourDay

According to "nature, red in tooth and claw": Death is the engine.
According to Jesus: Death is the enemy.

The gospel is the opposite of "nature" - the survival of the feeblest through the sacrifice of the Fittest

We've angels as our servants, saints as our companions, Christ as our Brother, God as our Father & a crown of immortality as our reward. CHS

He's King on high, the Seed to come, 'God with u', yr Sanctuary, heaven's gift, yr Counsellor, God, Father & Prince Isaiah6-9 #EnjoyYourDay

"If u could go back in time would u kill baby Hitler?" It's bizarre that this hypothetical assumes the best way to stop evil is by killing.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is burned as a witch.

"But if you wash your kids, you've gotta feed em too." Yeah, I say wash and feed em. Gets messy otherwise.

He's plunged down into our death & burst through into His life. His very being is an offer: to take our death & give His life. #EnjoyYourDay

"Thou shalt not steal" does not mean so much "This is mine so u can't have it." It means "This is genuinely mine so I can genuinely Give it"

Losing your life to find it is FIRST a truth about Trinity. The Son abandons Himself to the Father and receives back His life in the Spirit.

Losing your life to find it is SECONDLY a truth about Easter. Christ surrenders all to God and is then raised up by the Spirit.

Losing your life to find it is LASTLY a truth about us. If *God* is all about trusting self-abandonment, clinging on to self is anti-reality

And is that Chianti she's drinking as she sells off their livers?

If selling the organs of the unborn outrages you, how much worse is killing them in the first place?

To be outraged only by the organ harvesting is like telling Hannibal Lecter "Dude, u've finally crossed a line with that whole liver thing"

By definition following Christ makes you Christian.
By design following Christ makes you human.

God gives us Everything (His Son) and then gives us the Appreciation of Everything (His Spirit) 1Cor2:12. All for free. #EnjoyYourDay

In human religion, we work while the gods wait.
With the Living God, He works, we wait. (Isaiah 64:4)

Judgement is not God's dark side, it's where the blazing light of God meets *our* darkness.

'Everything that can be shaken will be removed' but 'underneath are the everlasting arms.' #Perspective #EnjoyYourDay

When I solved the anagram "COUNT A SNAIL GROT", I thought: congratulations are in order.

While the rest of my art class sketches nudes I study fruit bowls cos you’ve got to draw the lime somewhere.

Watch dogs have ticks

Chat roulette looks different in France.

The Greek debt crisis has been averted, all credit to the European Central Bank.

So we come to round 3 of our genetic engineering quiz: fingers on buzzards...

Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But here's my rye smile,
So call me Maizie.

“Is it not wonderful news to believe that salvation lies outside ourselves?” Luther

Either God loves you to death or Jesus has been sending crazy mixed messages. #EnjoyYourDay

The alternative to following is wallowing. Wallowing is *much* harder.

God's prescription for our ills: Take to aspirin' and call Me in the mourning.

In the flesh we are but dust and ashes. By the Spirit-filled King we are crowned with beauty and the oil of gladness (Is61) #EnjoyYourDay

- mum&dad i declare that this house is not mine it's yours...
- thanks son, ur welcome...
- ...i give it all 2u...
- ... you GIVE it 2 us??

If a "prayer of commitment" = the 1st statement by the child, cool. If it's the 2nd, who do we think we are & what do we think we can offer?

Real conversion is not giving your life to God. It's realising you've got nothing But gift.

You haven't got "God on your side", not in the Bob Dylan sense. You've got something better: You are at God's side, hidden in Christ forever.

Today, remember you are loved at your very worst, by the very Best. Rom 5:8 #EnjoyYourDay

"At the root of every caricature of the cross there lies a distorted Christology." John Stott, The Cross of Christ.

[God's Self-Substitution: We must affirm] that the love, holiness & will of the Father are identical to the love, holiness & will of the Son

Unless yr gospel presentation is explicitly trinitarian u cannot present atonement as God's SELF-substitution. IOW u can't preach the cross.

Some see #BruceJenner as a freak, some see #RachelDolezal as a fraud. How about we see them both as frail?

And let's learn from this that personal identity involves more than a solitary will. It involves biological givens and whole communities too

God is yr Creator therefore... How do u finish that sentence? First implication: therefore God is Giver & we are freely loved into existence

We are SEATED with Christ, Eph1-3; WALK by Christ, Eph4-5 & STAND in Christ, Eph6. We Never climb. #OnTopOfTheWorld #EnjoyYourDay

"They say personal evangelism is a dying art. How preposterous! It's a resurrecting art!" Said to me just now.

God works triumph thru deicide. The disasters of today do not catch Him off guard or knock Him off course. Crisis is His MO #EnjoyYourDay

Present suffering is to future glory as birth-pains are to the joy of new life. Horrifically painful. Totally worth it. #EnjoyYourDay

Through His life, death & resurrection, Christ has taken the wheel of this world, turned on the sat nav & pressed “Home” #EnjoyYourDay

Jesus sailed thru a hurricane to get to Legion (Mark5). He was hurled into the Abyss to rescue u. Same predicament, same love. #EnjoyYourDay

BAPTISM: You in Christ, once and for all.
COMMUNION: Christ in you, ongoingly.
BOTH: God's gracious & effective word, coming down from above

I stand by my decision to call it a "meme." A) memes should be *self*replicating and I'm the only one tweeting it. B) It's all about me me.

Christ is yr clothing (baptism), yr food & yr drink (communion). And He’s given while ur naked, famished & guilty as hell #EnjoyYourDay

Preacher’s Reality Check: Scripture’s most beautiful chapter on Christ and His cross begins with the line “Who has believed our message?”

“We live in an age in which everything is permitted and nothing is forgiven.” Rev Alan Jones

Culture Wars: Luke 15 without a father.

The Spirit raised Jesus from a "wicked" grave" (Is53:9). Thus the gospel is life from the dead AND vindication for *sinners* (Rom4:5).

It also means the powers of-the-Spirit/of-the-new-age are wrapped up with justification. The Spirit is abt new covenant reality (Gal3;2Cor3)

SALVATION: by grace alone, bearing fruit in many good works.
MISSION: by proclamation alone, bearing fruit in much social impact.

That worry is too big for you, the Father says ‘Let me take it’. #EnjoyYourDay

That job is too big for you, the Spirit says ‘Let me take it.’ #EnjoyYourDay

Jesus is LORD. This means the One poured out for you in love is God's true expression, the world's true King and your true Master. #GoodNews

Hebrews 11: God saves to the cloud.
Hebrews 12:1: Back up to the cloud then run.

Mission WHY: The Lord; the lost.
Mission WHO: Christ, church.
Mission WHAT: Declaring, discipling.
Mission HOW: Family, food.

Your success at ‘sin management’ does not define u. Christ does: “Holy”, “Without Blemish”, “Free From Accusation” Col1:22 #EnjoyYourDay

Men are like grain. Women like wine. Zechariah 9:17
Bland, raw, morning food versus sweet, refined, evening drink.

Sins cleansed, darkness conquered, creation liberated, bodies raised, tears wiped away and Jesus. Face to face, Forever. #EnjoyYourDay

In evangelism "I'm a staunch atheist" is the new "I'm a Christian." It's often a ready-made label that means little. Don't let it put u off.

Born ever hungry
Hating our need
Despising dependence
Craving a feed.
All or Nothing,
Since Adam & Eve we cannot receive.

At the British Museum see Babylonians, Persians, Greeks&Romans. At yr local church join the Son of Man’s eternal kingdom #Dan7 #EnjoyYourDay

Grace is God's gift of Christ. Faith is our reception of Christ. Jesus is the centre, not some *thing* called "grace" or "faith".

Is the Spirit about Ethics (fruit) or Experience (filling)? Both sides must learn He's more deeply the Spirit of the Evangel & the Eschaton.

Whatever needs forgiving is forgiven. Whatever needs fixing will be fixed. Whatever needs facing, Christ faces with us. #EnjoyYourDay

I just grew the perfect root vegetable. It’s a real turnip for the books.

Gary Kasparov gives no interviews. No-one can answer that old chess nut.

- You said you were available to burp my kids?
- I said I was a wind up merchant.

Her will is strong. As is her won't.

You want a new kind of pasta? Ok, durum roll...

Dad was always watering down my fortified wine. #spoilsport

I'm realising why Facebook has so gripped our species. TAG A CAT GAG is just written into our DNA.

I put our family motto onto a royal blue flag. Pretty standard really.

I refuse to be called "HEAD" teacher. It's the principal.

An A-Team fancy dress party? Not sure I can't face it.

They say a heatwave’s coming. I reckon it’s all a front.

Perhaps my favourite 'moderately loud' pop song is Prince's "Sexy: metzo forte."

As a classical pianist I make sure to read out all #FF tweets extra loud.

Yes, you *could* call me a dynamic punster, thank you.

"A pox on both your houses" was a rash pronouncement.

I just can't fill out my bankruptcy application. I know, it's poor form.

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