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Epic Twitter Battles: Round 2


kerihw versus GlennyRodge (1-9th August, 2013)

Continued from here



GlennyRodge:  @TheBathBird @kerihw I'm a little sorry that he's now cowering in the trounced corner. It was good fun.


kerihw: Yeah, cowering. LIKE A FOX. Lynx wearer.






GlennyRodge:  You say 'secketery' instead of 'secretary'.


kerihw: You prefer the Last Of The Summer Wines with Cyril rather than Foggy.


GlennyRodge:  When you first went into Costa, you asked for a Gold Blend.


kerihw: You get into arguments in Sainsburys over why they put the eggs next to the ketchup.


GlennyRodge:  Your family dread Sunday dinner time and it's all due to your obsession with the moistness of meat.


kerihw: You bought your sofa at DFS when it wasn't on sale.


GlennyRodge:  You insisted on having haddock even though chippy lady said it would be 7 minutes.


kerihw: Guff denier.


GlennyRodge:  You wave at people who have the same make of car as you.


kerihw: You would consider putting ginger in a bolognese.


GlennyRodge:  You once embarrassed a lady in the queue in Boots by saying that the canestan she was holding was a central Asian country.


kerihw: Socks ironer.


GlennyRodge:  You use the word 'holiday' as a verb.


kerihw: You smell of yesterday.


GlennyRodge:  You write to Points Of View. They use the posh lady's voice.


kerihw: You write to Michael Aspel under assumed names just to get more and more Parker pens.


GlennyRodge:  You (incorrectly) explain the offside rule in pubs using other people's drinks.


kerihw: You thought the dolphin on Seaquest:DSV could actually talk.


GlennyRodge:  You have a Waaasssaaap!!! ringtone on your phone.


kerihw: When carving a turkey you say "Are you a breast man or a leg man?" and then snort.


GlennyRodge:  You say "it's six of one and half a dozen of the other" so much that your friends call you Keri Dozens behind your back.


kerihw: Some of your scarves are gaudy.


GlennyRodge:  Your favourite cheese is "medium".


kerihw: You always make the Ocado man feel awkward by offering him a cup of tea.


GlennyRodge:  You look awful in yellow. It makes you look washed out.


kerihw: You use the Discover tab.


GlennyRodge:  You once followed an entire football match on Ceefax, even though it was live on ITV.


kerihw: Just A Minute listener.


GlennyRodge:  Manual retweeter.


kerihw: You say "ass", not "arse".


GlennyRodge:  You do a little sigh after you laugh.


kerihw: Your favourite Law & Order is Law & Order: UK.


GlennyRodge:  You say you're allergic to certain foods but really you just don't like them.


kerihw: Every time a shop assistant asks if you have a Nectar card you act all surprised and say "Ooh! Yes I do actually!".


GlennyRodge:  All your shirts have epaulettes and buttoned-down collars.


kerihw: You got your Blue Peter badge off eBay.


GlennyRodge:  You've only ever read 3 books.


kerihw: Your favourite novel from Dan Brown's epic Robert Langdon series is the least brilliant one - Digital Fortress.


GlennyRodge:  You're Welsh yet you can't pronounce Abergavenny. What's with that?


kerihw: You're not Jamaican and yet you do an excellent dutty wine. What's up with that?


GlennyRodge:  You can't whistle.


kerihw: You don't believe in watermelons.


GlennyRodge:  You voluntarily take out PPI cover.


kerihw: You get confused between Bobby Davro and Les Dennis.


GlennyRodge:  You don't vote because you say they're all as bad as each other.




GlennyRodge:  You have your tea at 5.


kerihw: Your knowledge of 2 letter words which are valid in Scrabble is at best mediocre.


GlennyRodge:  You couldn't ride a bike until you were 26.


kerihw: You were disappointed that Lesbian Vampire Killers was about lesbian vampires rather than vampire killers who were lesbian.


GlennyRodge:  When you go out on a Saturday you pop a tape in for Casualty. You call it "my programme".


kerihw: The state of your wheelie bins is an embarrassment to your neighbours.


GlennyRodge:  When you give someone your phone number, you always begin "+44".


kerihw: Your milkshake brings all the boys to Scotland Yard to make formal complaints.


GlennyRodge:  You have a large collection of wacky ties.


kerihw: You insist you don't need to go toilet at the services & then all the way to the next services you moan about "wanty wazzy".


GlennyRodge:  Your favourite Led Zeppelin song is "that Rolf one".


kerihw: You're the reason for all the signs telling people not to flush paper towels.


GlennyRodge:  Driving gloves wearer.


kerihw: The large mechanical heron you bought to scare real heron away from your precious fish doesn't work and looks ridiculous.


GlennyRodge:  People can hear you coming from 50 yards away, due to the sheer amount of change you carry in your pockets.


kerihw: Every time you do a tie up the first attempt always results in the the thin end being way longer than the thick end.


GlennyRodge:  When you sang "Look Orville, who is your very best friend?", he replied "Not you, Sunshine".


kerihw: You once described Vernon Kay as a "Michael Barrymore for the Xbox generation".


GlennyRodge:  You cut out money off coupons from magazines but never get round to using any of them.


kerihw: You put toilet paper on the holder so it hangs down at the back.


GlennyRodge:  Your biggest regret in life is that you can't do armpit farts.


kerihw: You don't know what colour mauve is.


GlennyRodge:  Despite her asking you not to, you think it's hilarious introducing your partner at social functions as your "current" wife.


kerihw: 10% of your opinions end with you saying "not that there's anything wrong with that".


GlennyRodge:  Sock mark legs haver.


kerihw: The people at the benefit fraud reporting helpline know your voice and call you "Glenny our little spy".


GlennyRodge:  You're already counting "sleeps" until Christmas.


kerihw: You can only do about half of the opening monologue from the A-Team.


GlennyRodge:  You keep a pen and paper by the telly so you can write down cookery show recipes even though DETAILS ARE AVAILABLE ON THE WEBSITE.


kerihw: Gap non-minder.


GlennyRodge:  You thought it was "I've got Jill's, they're multiplying...."


kerihw: Terms and conditions reader.


GlennyRodge:  Definately speller.


kerihw: Sausage-filled crust apologist.


GlennyRodge:  To this day, you maintain that you were the one who first spotted you get BOG OFF from Buy One, Get One For Free.


kerihw: Every time you see a penguin you point out that it looks like it's wearing a tuxedo. Every time.


GlennyRodge:  You get up and leave the room whenever sanitary towels and "all that other lady business" gets mentioned.


kerihw: You deliberately suggest going to Chinese restaurants just to show off that you can use chopsticks.


GlennyRodge:  "Mind your own bees' wax" sayer.


kerihw: You get all excited when you see a man wearing a wig.


GlennyRodge:  You make your family sit through DVD previews.


kerihw: You call the TV remote control a "doofah".


GlennyRodge:  Despite them dropping hints and making lists, your family get money in a card for Christmas and birthdays.


kerihw: Despite them dropping hints and making lists, you still turn up at your family for Christmas.


GlennyRodge:  You applied to be on Bargain Hunt but then turned them down when you found out you weren't going to be in the red team.


kerihw: Children throw wet bread at you in the street.


GlennyRodge:  Your real name is Darren.


kerihw: The staff at Halfords are still doing impressions of you from when you came in and tried to buy a wiper blade.


GlennyRodge:  You throw away charity envelopes but keep the pens.


kerihw: You have no idea where the little plastic cup that came with your iron is.


GlennyRodge:  The best players in your fantasy football team are defenders, even though the scoring is heavily weighted towards goals and assists.


kerihw: You get confused between Shola Ama and Gabrielle.


GlennyRodge:  You actually believe it's butter.


kerihw: If you bump into a man more than once in a bathroom, you say "We have to stop meeting like this!" to prove you aren't gay.


GlennyRodge:  Des Lynam was your favourite Countdown host.


kerihw: You only stock three varieties of herbal tea.


GlennyRodge:  Loud nose breather.


kerihw: You miss Clippy.


GlennyRodge:  You have bonfires in your garden without giving your neighbours sufficient notice to get their washing in.




GlennyRodge:  You think it's called a shufflecock.


kerihw: You think your long black leather coat makes you look like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix but you just look like a goth butcher.


Continued here...



3 thoughts on “Epic Twitter Battles: Round 2

  1. Pingback: Epic Twitter Battles: Round 3 | Christ the Truth

  2. Pingback: Epic Twitter Battles: Round 1 | Christ the Truth

  3. Pingback: Epic Twitter Battles: Round 5 | Christ the Truth

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