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Tag: humourous

Published on Leave a comment on Expensive tastes

From yesterday's Telegraph:

An angry airline passenger ate an £8,930 winning scratchcard after he was told he could not claim the money immediately.

The unnamed man was flying with Ryanair from Krakow, in Poland, to East Midlands Airport when he won €10,000 with the scratch card.

Cabin crew on the flight confirmed he had a winning card, but told the passenger he would have to collect the jackpot directly from the company that runs the competition as they did not have enough cash on board the plane.

Ryanair said the man then became frustrated and started to eat his winning ticket while on the flight on Thursday.

His rash actions mean he has lost any chance of claiming the prize money, which will now be donated to charity.

Stephen McNamara, a spokesman for Ryanair, said the cabin crew and some passengers had attempted to persaude the man not to eat the ticket, but he stood up and ate it anyway.

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Published on Leave a comment on Want a taste of the promised land?

I love how the word "BIBLICAL" is used here.  "BIBLICAL" means NOT JUNK.  (In spite of how Scripture loves "fat portions").

Of course it all depends on which Scriptures you choose.

What about sour grapes, bitter herbs and ashes?  Now with 30% more locusts!  That's also biblical...  Or, what about... No, there are too many ingredients I can't mention on a family blog like this.

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Published on Leave a comment on Happy Friday – Sleep Talkin Man

From Sleep Talkin Man.

I choose to believe these are the genuine nocturnal ramblings of one Englishman as recorded by his American wife.  I believe this in spite of the fact his wife records him using words like "douche-bag" and "doofus".

By the way, he also uses some more choice words, so if that kind of thing offends perhaps don't visit the site and just enjoy the highlights I've gathered here:

"No, not the cats. Don't trust them. Their eyes. Their eyes. They know too much."

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

"You can't be a pirate if you don't have a beard. I said so. MY boat, MY rules."

"I'm baking pillows. Burn them slowly, keeps them fluffy! Mmmmmm, pillows."

"Your mum's at the door again. Bury me. Bury me deep."

"Oompa loompas don't sing in heaven. They tidy up the clouds."

"Legs time! Everybody get your legs!"

"You can stop clapping now if you want. Really. You'll need your energy for cheering me later. Shhhhhhhh. shhhhhhhh."

"I haven't put on weight. Your eyes are fat."

"I'd rather peel off my skin and bathe my weeping raw flesh in a bath of vinegar than spend any time with you. But that's just my opinion. Don't take it personally."

"Elephant trunks should be used for elephant things only. Nothing else."

"Fluffy bunny + twitchy nose + big ears = great stew."

"Do you like what you see? No? Well, bloody look harder. Strain your eyes!"

"I can't control the kittens. Too many whiskers! Too many whiskers!"

"You keep looking at the sun until your eyes dry up like raisins and fall out of your skull."

"Robots making sweets? But they've got no taste buds! Metal smarties."

"This fish has got big floppy lips. Floppy lips. Fishy kissy fishy kissy. Oop, took one on the mouth! Not nice."

"Don't talk to me like that. I'm just gonna throw up in your face. Eat the carrots."

"Hey I know you, but I don't like your face. Take it off... That's much better, much better."

"Yeah. Don't forget to dry-clean the baby."

"Look. Look at my left foot. Look at my left foot. Smack you in the face!"

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