If you read Exodus backwards, the Israelites run from torrential bread-storms to seek work in Egypt #BackwardsBible
If you read Ruth backwards, Boaz divorces&repatriates his asylum-seeking wife after finding another man's shoe #BackwardsBible
If you read Genesis 25-27 backwards, Isaac blesses his cross dressing son who becomes a successful caterer #BackwardsBible
If you read 1 Samuel 17 backwards, David, just one day from retirement, sees the daddy of all zombies and quits #BackwardsBible
If you read Isaiah 6 backwards, the prophet hurls a seraph at the altar after hearing his job description #BackwardsBible
If you read Luke 5 backwards, Jesus encourages his friends to pursue many and varied career paths #BackwardsBible
If you read Matthew 17 backwards, Peter chokes a fish to death having come up short for the temple tax #BackwardsBible
If you read Acts 5 backwards, a wealthy couple leave a substantial legacy to the church #BackwardsBible
If you read Acts 8 backwards, Philip gets blown through a chariot. An Ethiopian is bemused #BackwardsBible
If you read John 2 backwards, Jesus tidies a temple and ruins a wedding #BackwardsBible
If you read Acts 2 backwards, Peter appears drunk in town having driven away 95% of the church #BackwardsBible
If you read Genesis 2 backwards, Adam faints at the sight of a naked lady. He sends away all the animals and dies alone :( #BackwardsBible
New Ruling: There are only 2 possible exits from a #BackwardsBible scene. 1) A moonwalk, 2) reverse pregnancy. 2) is strictly forbidden
If you read John 6-8 backwards, Jesus throws a woman to the mob, steals everyone's lunch then moon-walks on water #BackwardsBible
If you read Gen 3 backwards, the LORD drags Adam&Eve into the garden, gives them a stern dressing down, exits, moonwalking #BackwardsBible
My favourites from others...
Sudden and unexplained arrival of herd of sea-pigs prompts man's insanity. (by @IsaacPain)
Christian missionary renounces his faith and begins to persecute believers after being knocked over by Jesus #BackwardsBible (by @DaveTrigg)
Jesus tells a man to sit down before sending him away to fix a hole in the roof. #backwardsbible (by @DaveTrigg)
Pursued by a star, some wise men spend 2 years fleeing from a new born baby. #backwardsbible (by @DaveTrigg)
An injured man is dumped in the road by a Samaritan and then some other men come and give him money. #BackwardsBible (by@richardwardman)
After getting mistaken for a gardener Jesus goes to hide in a cave and has an angel cover it with a large stone. #BackwardsBible (by @DZRishmawy)
How about the time Jesus rubbed mud on someone's eyes and made him blind? (by @petekillingley)
#ClichedBible "I was born reddy" (Esau; Gen 25:25)
#ClichedBible "Totes Amaze Bowls" (Rev16) and "Dead Enosh" (Gen5:11)
#ClichedBible "That's how I roll" (Ezekiel 1:19)
#ClichedBible "I'll sleep when I'm dead" (1Thes4:13)
#ClichedBible "Aw, hell no" (Matt16:20)
#ClichedBible "Shut up and kiss me" (Psalm 2:12)
#ClichedBible "It's all good" (Gen1:31). "It's all goo'd" (Lev13:10)
A Decent Shepherd mends the fences. What kind of Shepherd DIES 4 sheep? Jesus. And He rises 2 know u & give u life 2 the full #EnjoyYourDay
Our sorrows are not senseless. They are seeds. (Ps126:5) A jubilant harvest is coming, far exceeding the tears that we sow. #EnjoyYourDay
There are no hidden catches, no secret levels. God is completely given 2u in Jesus (John3:35f). If u have Jesus u have it all #EnjoyYourDay
To those worried about making The Right Decision.... Remember, even if you choose perfectly, you're still forgiven.
No need to atone for the past. Nothing to prove in the future. #EnjoyYourDay
Those who protest their innocence loudest, feel their guilt keenest. Those who own their guilt quickest, know their justification best.
Radiohead's frontman tends to dominate. As a rule of thom
Let's play #NameThatHashtag... William Webb Ellis. Strip Pokemon. Pheasant for Grouse... ??
#NameThatHashtag My sieve's better than yours
Holier than thou
#NameThatHashtag Superabundance of a herb. 80s pop classic. Repeatedly.
#Thyme after thyme
He is completely open to you (Jn15:15). He is completely given to you (Jn15:13). What a Friend we have in Jesus. #EnjoyYourDay
St Pancras: A guy in the shop wanted to impress the French salesman. "Bonjour" he said. "Oh u speak French?" "Oui, un petit pois"
In case you missed it acronyms are rife on Twitter
ICYMI see previous tweet
IOW ISTM OK. And by OK I mean Over Kill
If you really believed in finding your identity IN JESUS, you wouldn't talk so much about FINDING YOUR IDENTITY in Jesus.
God is not hidden behind Jesus. In Jesus - with arms outstretched to the world - He is revealed in radiant glory. #EnjoyYourDay
There is a Mediator with God. He's fully accepted by God and 100% on our side - the Man Christ Jesus. #1Tim2 #EnjoyYourDay
#Lev17 Jesus says: "My Life is in the blood and I have given it to you to make atonement." He holds nothing back. #EnjoyYourDay
#Ps116 "Return to your rest, my soul, for the LORD has been good to you." Count the ways and #enjoyyourday
"All authority in heaven&earth" does not lie with fate, chance or distant powers. It lies in the nail-scarred hands of Jesus #EnjoyYourDay
Remember: Spring Forwards, Autumn't you put the clock back an hour?
Jeremy Irons, but Ben Folds.
— James Martin (@Pundamentalism) October 19, 2013
— Glen Scrivener (@glenscrivener) October 21, 2013