Happy Friday – Lame Analogies

I see these in various forms about every six months.  They're good.  Not as good as Jack Handey, but they're good.

They seem to have originated here.  And ballooned elsewhere (e.g.)

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. (Jerry Pannullo, Kensington)

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. (Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. (John Kammer, Herndon)

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. (Susan Reese, Arlington)

It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before. (Marian Carlsson, Lexington, Va.)

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

Her lips were red and full, like tubes of blood drawn by an inattentive phlebotomist. (Greg Dobbins, Arlington)

The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object. (Nanci Phillips Sharp, Gaithersburg)

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. (Susan Reese, Arlington)

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any PH cleanser. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

A branch fell from the tree like a trunk falling off an elephant. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)

The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Her eyes were shining like two marbles that someone dropped in mucus and then held up to catch the light. (Barbara Collier, Garrett Park)

The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

She caught your eye like one of those pointy little hook latches that dangle from screen doors and fly up whenever you bang the door open. (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly like a bowling ball wouldn’t. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)

The hailstones leaped from the pavement like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)