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Happy Friday

Chuck Norris Facts:

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

Aliens do exist, they're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris can speak Russian... in Chinese.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris doesn't guess when he plays Guess Who: he knows.

Simon doesn't say...Chuck Norris says.

Chuck Norris does not need Twitter...he is already following you.

For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

 

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What's your favourite fact?

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0 thoughts on “Happy Friday

  1. Matt

    I always quite liked:

    Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas.

    Though my generation does the Chuck Norris thing about Jack Bauer!

  2. Glen

    I'm just glad I've managed to stay fresh and relevant even into the twilight years of my early thirties. And that those of a younger generation some *seven* years my junior can yet decipher my antiquated notions. I'm hopeful that Banner of Truth will soon release a revised version of my blog with updated language - for the modern reader. But in the meantime I'm grateful for the editorial suggestions of the coming men and am relieved that perhaps some of my archaic cultural references are not lost on them. In all their patient endurance of my quaint beliefs I hope that the wisdom of a bygone era will not be lost. In hope I can but look to the uniting power of the gospel. And the timeless appeal of withering sarcasm.

  3. Si

    "There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live." I had a t-shirt with this on, a mounted rabbit's head and Chuck Norris with a shotgun on.

    "Chuck Norris faced the Elite Four with nothing but a level 18 Magicarp; its Splash KO'd all 26 Pokemon at once." - This probably ages me as pretty young - splash does no damage. I'm surprised he needed a level 18 Magicarp, myself.

    "Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you without moving his feet"

    "Chuck Norris once made a snowman...out of rain."

    "The Babylonians did not build the tower of Babylon to get closer to God, they built it is an attempt to get away from Chuck Norris. It failed."

    One for the 'Wild at Heart' guys to make them feel not manly enough ;) - "MAN (man) noun: 1. Chuck Norris 2. no one else"

    One of my own, for Matt - "24 was going to star Chuck Norris, then they realised that they couldn't think of enough things for Chuck to do in 24 hours, so they had to get Jack Bauer in."

  4. John B

    "Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine."

    Conan O'Brien is returning to late night TV in two weeks. I'm hoping that he brings back his famous Walker, Texas Ranger Lever!

  5. Nathan

    Chuck Norris never sleeps; he waits.

    Chuck Norris is suing NBC for using the name Law & Order as a TV show. Those are the names of his left and right legs.

    Chuck Norris knows the Colonel's secret blend of herbs and spices.

    Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

    Chuck Norris once won a staring contest against a photograph.

    Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.

    If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris is the reason Wally is hiding.

    The universe is constanting expanding in a futile attempt to escape from Chuck Norris.

    When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mother home from the hospital.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    Enough for now...

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