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Category: pastoral theology

Published on Leave a comment on Rules to remember

I was walking through our local shopping centre on Thursday morning and I bumped into some friends.  We were chatting away and then the whole place went quiet.  For a second we were puzzled but then we remembered - it's 11 o'clock.

So quickly we shut up and started remembering.  But for the next two minutes, the shopping centre was divided into two camps.  On one side there were lots of people bustling along, chatting away, oblivious to the time and its significance.  They were breaking the “silence” rule.

On the other side there were those who had remembered to remember.  And you know how they spent the next two minutes?  Glaring at passers-by, tapping their watches, pointing to their poppies and rolling their eyes to one another.  If they weren’t so resolved to be silent I reckon the tutting would have been deafening.

And so I wonder... out of those two minutes, how much time was spent remembering the sacrifice of others and how much time was spent feeling superior?

Maybe I’m wrong, maybe it’s possible to simultaneously glare angrily at the rule-breakers and to remember our war-dead.  But I’m guessing there wasn’t a lot of remembering done, even by the rule keepers.  And actually their zeal for the rules worked against the spirit of remembrance.

But, time and again, that’s what rules do.  They make you feel safe and they make you feel superior.

They make you feel safe because you’ve drawn a line and put yourself on the right side of it.  You’ve done your bit, you’ve played your part, you’ve ticked your box, and now no-one can touch you.  You're with the in-crowd.  You're not babbling away in the shopping centre, you're with the moral majority.  Rules are so often kept as a way of distancing yourself.  When something is asked of you, or the world impinges on your personal sphere in some way, very often our reaction is, "No fair, I kept the rules!"  We feel like if only we play by the book we ought to be free from the claims of others.  Rules make us feel safe.

And rules make us feel superior.  Because now we can look down our nose at those on the wrong side of the line.  We can feel better than others.  There was a lot of superiority going on in that shopping centre on Thursday.  Lots of people kept the tradition of remembrance.  Few people followed the spirit of actually remembering.

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Published on Leave a comment on Pity the fool who pities himself

Below is a repost from last year.  But I think it relates well to recent thoughts about identity.

I want to be clear:  I don't think my status-anxiety will be solved by simple self-denial and a "chin-up" resolve to ignore my aching existential angst.  No, I need to be wooed from my self-preoccupation.  And not by a G-O-D who demands I be as pre-occupied with him as he is.  I am wooed from self by a loving Lord who's set His affection on me.

When I see Him truly I cannot help but see that He is for me.   Therefore I don't need to be.  If I properly see Him in His utter self-giving for my sake it doesn't actually confirm my self-obsession (though you might think it would).  Instead I'm released into His life of other-centredness.  And in that I become the real me.

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Self-pity is, for me, like a low-level virus, a background throb, a sapping sickness.  It heavies my bones and fizzies my blood.

But the other day I gained instant relief.  I was reading Psalm 103 in the King James version.  Verse 13 says:

Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear Him.

Could this be true?  Does the LORD Himself pity me?  Yes.  With fatherly affection and concern.  I provoke the heart-felt pity of the living God.

You might think this would confirm my dreadful indulgence.  After all, heaven seems to agree with my self-obsession.  Actually no.  He pities the fool who pities himself.  In spite of my wallowing, the LORD's pity is a great 'nonetheless.'

A father whose child cries only for attention may still choose to pick up the boy, spin him round and kiss him.  He is not caving into the child's manipulation.  Instead He is loving from his own free grace.  And the boy is weaned from self by the love of another.

In the same way our Father in heaven reaches down in His Son to self-pitying wretches.  And He lifts us up, not to confirm our self-centredness but to replace it.  Now that heaven pities me, I simply have no need.  What could my own self-preoccupation add to the divine pre-occupation of the LORD, who sets His affections on me?

And so this verse brought a tremendous release.  Just as the LORD's love frees us from self-love, His service frees us from self-service, so His pity frees us from self-pity.

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Published on Leave a comment on The search for identity, or emotional gold-digging

Just a thought - perhaps you'll notice that right now I only have time to whack hornets nests and then saunter away whistling...

Emma's writing some fascinating stuff about identity and gender.  (The photo alone makes the post unmissable!)  But as Emma and I have read and listened to lots of Christian counsel on identity it's struck us how commonly "Christian identity" becomes the idol.  Emma shows me women's devotional after women's devotional where there's a kind of good cop, bad cop approach.  One day you should really get your act together and become a woman of substance/humility/excellence/gentleness/boldness/baking, etc.  The next, while you're still reeling, you're reminded how swell Jesus thinks you are and how you really, really, really must learn to rest in that.

Now here's something weird, 'learning how to rest in God's affirmation of me' is experienced by women worldwide as more burdensome than the admonishments to 'godliness'.  Why?  Well, here's a guess - because whether your devotional is on a carrot day or a stick day it's basically about you!  Can you look within and find enough strength to be godly or enough peace to be content?!  Argh!

But that's the way it seems to run.  And when it comes to 'identity' all these preachers/writers/counsellors spend their time discussing the value put on the Christian - "God's princess", "In His image", "Precious in His sight", etc, etc.  Of course they have verses to back them up.  But it's just proof-texting.  It's not feeding on Christ Himself, looking to Him.  It's just grabbing a sweet verse from Psalms today to help yesterday's medicine from Proverbs 31 go down.

So what's wrong with all this.

Well, first of all, when this search for identity becomes the goal rather than simply the fruit of our union with Christ, it's using Jesus to feel better about me.  So that's a bit sick.  Think of it this way, you might like the way your spouse makes you feel, and that's a nice fringe benefit of the relationship.  But if your goal in marriage is to get that feeling, you're an emotional gold-digger!

But, secondly, psychologically, it just doesn't work.  Maybe I'm wrong - contradict me in the comments.  But have you ever met someone who's found a rock-solid, contented sense of Christian identity by searching for "identity"?  I haven't.  And I think it's because it's psychologically impossible.

It's unconvincing when you repeat human affirmations to yourself "You're good enough, you're smart enough and doggonnit, people like you."  But, psychologically speaking, it's rarely any more re-assuring when you mentally sign God's name to the bottom of them.

Why?  Many reasons, but perhaps mainly because we imagine God's basically like us anyway.  And without really opening up the word of Christ we're never going to dethrone the God of our imaginations who - surprise, surprise - thinks of us just like we think of ourselves.  So signing His name to the bottom of some lovely sentiments only adds to the sense that this is basically wish-fulfillment.

Want a good sense of self?  Forget self.  You were crucified with Christ.  You no longer live.  But Christ lives in you.  The life you live in the body you live depending on Jesus who loved you and gave Himself for you.

I love the little motto on Todd Wilken's Issues, etc radio show - "It's not about you, it's about Jesus for you."

Notice it doesn't say "It's not about you, it's about Jesus." (That's also an error!  More on that another time).

But it is about "Jesus for you"

Forget the proof-texting carrots and sticks.  Go deep with Him and you'll know you.  Don't get hung up on you.  Don't even get hung up on heavenly verdicts on you.  Jesus is your status before God.  He Himself.  If you want to know your status, know Jesus.  If you want to know you, forget you for a bit.  Get to know Him.  Not as an emotional gold-digger, but know Him for His sake.  Lose yourself in Him, and you'll find yourself.

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Published on Leave a comment on Good Girl, Party Girl, Tough Girl

Really great post from Emma, drawing on a model of Dan Allender's - femininity goes awry in three directions:

good girl,
party girl,
tough girl.

After describing the types, Emma offers a way forwards:

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Redemption, however, is not sweeping aside every aspect of our good/partying/tough personalities but making us more of our true selves not less.  The good girl who wanted to be “sweet” and “nice” is now a true blessing because she has the courage to be strong as well as kind.  The party girl who was “wild” now knows the fulfilment of her drives in Christ’s love as her passion for life includes and infects others.  The tough girl who closed down and drove forwards has a new softness as she recognizes that her dependence is part of what makes her a genuine leader.

Can you see these ‘types’ in yourself?  What would the redemption of those patterns look like?

Go and have your say...

Published on Leave a comment on Learning to live

From Emma's new article

When trying to overcome harmful behaviours, people are taught how not to die.  But in truth, the challenge is learning how to live.

Often techniques are given for beating eating disorders or drinking or overspending or whatever.  But the solution is not found in ratcheting up my will power.  In fact, that only exacerbates my problems...

Read the whole thing here.

Leave a comment here.

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Published on Leave a comment on Preaching sin when they already hate themselves

I've written a little gospel presentation on Emma's site.  It's for anyone but I've had in mind younger folk who have difficult relationships with food and their bodies.  It's called Good News for Dark Places.

It's raised the question in my mind - how do we address the problem of sin with those who might well be very religious and already they are full of self-destructive feelings?

It's important in any setting - but here it's particularly vital - to define sin as a failure to receive.  I don't think you'll do much good in pastoral settings if you're not convinced that sin is, at base, not receiving from God.  Let me know what you think...

[I've just described the Father, Son and Holy Spirit in loving union]...
This is who the real God is – a community of love and absolute togetherness.  In fact their life together is too good to keep to themselves.  They want to share it with others.

So this God made something else – a world – so that we can share in this life.  We exist so that we can pull up a chair at the table.  The meaning of our lives is to join this Party.

But there’s a problem, and it goes back to our first parents.  Humanity has always said to God: “No, I’ll make it on my own.”

God is a family of love, but we prefer our own company.  God is a fountain of life but we go off and dig for mud.  God is a community of light, and we slink off into darkness.

It’s so easy for us to think of God as a kill-joy.  But this God is not the kill-joy, it’s us.  We are offered the deepest relationship and joy possible but we have refused it.  We close ourselves off and will not receive His love.  This is the essence of our problem - what the bible calls 'sin'.

Many people think that sin is about doing naughty things - as though it's basically about what we offer or don’t offer to God.  The Bible has a different take.  God isn't needy!  He's the Giver.  So at the heart of it, sin is us refusing to receive from God.  Do you see the difference?  It's not so much that I'm a bad offerer, I'm a bad receiver.  My problem's not so much how I perform for Him, my problem is not resting in Him.

Sin is closing ourselves off to the life of God so that now we manage out of our own resources.  And so, as sinners, we’re condemned to live our lives cut off from His life.

Published on Leave a comment on You will [repost]

The Ten Commandments are written in the indicative.  Did you know that?  There's a perfectly straightforward imperative mood in Hebrew.  God could easily have  said "You must not murder".  But God didn't say that.  He said "You will not murder."  You won't.  You're my special people.  I've saved you.  You won't lie, you won't murder, you won't covet.  You won't.  These things are not said in the (grammatical) mood of command.  They are said in the mood of promise!

Now of course they carry commanding force.  When a mother says to two screaming kids "There will be peace in this house", by golly there had better be peace.   And when God says there will be peace, well there's a huge commanding force to that.  But it's first and foremost a promise.

And because it's a promise, it becomes the most binding command.

"You will" is far stronger than "you must".

"You must" implies that you may not.  "You must" puts you in the driving seat.  To be sure it stands above you with a threatening tone.  But even after "You must" is spoken the reality is that maybe you will and  maybe you won't.  The choice remains yours.

"You will" takes the choice out of your hands.  "You will" does not even contemplate an alternative.  "You will" binds you to the promise.  It makes you a slave of grace.  It casts you as a humble recipient of the word with nothing to do but walk in the service that is perfect freedom.

So now Jesus says this in Matthew 5:48 - and again, He could have used the imperative.  Instead He spoke in the glorious future indicative:

You will be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.

What a command?  Well, yes, subsequently.  But first - what a promise!

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Published on 3 Comments on Sinning really isn’t the worst thing [repost]

Oh it's bad.  It's very bad.  It's murdering your Maker.  It's cheating on your Lover.  It's grieving His Spirit.  It's tearing apart your soul.  It's bad.  Bad, bad, bad.

But not receiving forgiveness is far worse.  Failure to accept the grace of Jesus dwarfs all other sins in its monstrosity.  To refuse the vulnerable humility of God; to trample on the Lamb and blaspheme His Spirit as they offer blood-bought mercy and cleansing - this is unspeakable evil.  It's the reason people perish eternally.

Don't believe me?  1 Thessalonians 2:10:

They perish because they refuse to love the truth and so be saved.

Those in hell are there for refusal to love the life-saving truth of the gospel.  To sin is one thing.  To refuse forgiveness is itself unforgivable.

Now we know this on a macro level.  We know that eternity does not depend on minimizing sin.  It depends on receiving forgiveness.  We believe it for that Day, but do we believe it this day?  Do I live today as though sinning (or not sinning) is the ultimate spiritual barometer?  Or is my spiritual barometer daily calibrated to the forgiveness of Christ?

Here's how I naturally assess my Christian walk.  I rate my 'performance' largely by how much distance I've managed to put between me and my last 'big sin.'  (Of course it's 'big sins' I'm interested in, if I worried about the little ones my holy-count would never get off the ground).  When the number of 'sin-free' days hits double figures I'm doing great.  In fact, once I'm talking in weeks rather than days it rockets me into the righteousness stratosphere.  Best of all, it finally allows me to minister to people from the safe distance of 'All-figured-out-holiness.'

Of course when I sin it sucks.  Why?  Because I'm back to zero.  My functional righteousness is caput and I'll have to endure the hassle of a 'holy' fortnight before I can feel good again.  If I minister to people it will have to be out of broken messiness and a dependence on the grace of Jesus.  Ewww.

Now that's a stark way of putting it.  But I don't think there is a nice way of portraying this mindset.  While ever we pursue the Christian life as though sinning is the worst thing and 'not sinning is the most important thing' then such a foul system will develop.   But it's to entirely forget the gospel.

So friends, perhaps you've really blown it recently.  Praise God this could be the opportunity to realize your profound and continual need for the blood of Jesus.  Allow this to teach you the truth - the person you showed yourself to be in your sin is the person you have always been.  It springs from a heart full of evil which you will carry to the grave.  Your only hope lies far above and beyond yourself at God's Right Hand.  He is your profound and continual need.

Perhaps you blew it a while ago but you just can't seem to get beyond it.  Friend - the Word of God forbids you to take your sin more seriously than Christ's forgiveness.  Is your sin great?  Yes.  But is it greater than the Lamb slain before the foundation of the world?   Is it beyond the redeeming value of God's own blood (Acts 20:28).  I think your sin has met its match in the blood of God, don't you?

Perhaps you haven't blown it for a while now but you're realizing you operate according to a functional righteousness.  You hate sin only because it spoils your 'holy count'.  You're proud and graceless.  Well meditate on Philippians 3:1-11.  Know that such 'righteousness' is dung and reckon it all as loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ.  He alone is your life and peace.

Or perhaps you're a blogger who writes about grace.  You can dissect the sins of works-righteousness and see through latent Pharisaisms.  Well neither are you righteous for your pithy critiques of the flesh.  You haven't got it figured out.  If you know anything it's that you're ignorant.  If you have any strength it's only found in your helplessness.  There's no credit to your insight, there's only rest in His mercy.  You are nothing.  Jesus is everything.

.

Published on Leave a comment on Sinning really isn't the worst thing [repost]

Oh it's bad.  It's very bad.  It's murdering your Maker.  It's cheating on your Lover.  It's grieving His Spirit.  It's tearing apart your soul.  It's bad.  Bad, bad, bad.

But not receiving forgiveness is far worse.  Failure to accept the grace of Jesus dwarfs all other sins in its monstrosity.  To refuse the vulnerable humility of God; to trample on the Lamb and blaspheme His Spirit as they offer blood-bought mercy and cleansing - this is unspeakable evil.  It's the reason people perish eternally.

Don't believe me?  1 Thessalonians 2:10:

They perish because they refuse to love the truth and so be saved.

Those in hell are there for refusal to love the life-saving truth of the gospel.  To sin is one thing.  To refuse forgiveness is itself unforgivable.

Now we know this on a macro level.  We know that eternity does not depend on minimizing sin.  It depends on receiving forgiveness.  We believe it for that Day, but do we believe it this day?  Do I live today as though sinning (or not sinning) is the ultimate spiritual barometer?  Or is my spiritual barometer daily calibrated to the forgiveness of Christ?

Here's how I naturally assess my Christian walk.  I rate my 'performance' largely by how much distance I've managed to put between me and my last 'big sin.'  (Of course it's 'big sins' I'm interested in, if I worried about the little ones my holy-count would never get off the ground).  When the number of 'sin-free' days hits double figures I'm doing great.  In fact, once I'm talking in weeks rather than days it rockets me into the righteousness stratosphere.  Best of all, it finally allows me to minister to people from the safe distance of 'All-figured-out-holiness.'

Of course when I sin it sucks.  Why?  Because I'm back to zero.  My functional righteousness is caput and I'll have to endure the hassle of a 'holy' fortnight before I can feel good again.  If I minister to people it will have to be out of broken messiness and a dependence on the grace of Jesus.  Ewww.

Now that's a stark way of putting it.  But I don't think there is a nice way of portraying this mindset.  While ever we pursue the Christian life as though sinning is the worst thing and 'not sinning is the most important thing' then such a foul system will develop.   But it's to entirely forget the gospel.

So friends, perhaps you've really blown it recently.  Praise God this could be the opportunity to realize your profound and continual need for the blood of Jesus.  Allow this to teach you the truth - the person you showed yourself to be in your sin is the person you have always been.  It springs from a heart full of evil which you will carry to the grave.  Your only hope lies far above and beyond yourself at God's Right Hand.  He is your profound and continual need.

Perhaps you blew it a while ago but you just can't seem to get beyond it.  Friend - the Word of God forbids you to take your sin more seriously than Christ's forgiveness.  Is your sin great?  Yes.  But is it greater than the Lamb slain before the foundation of the world?   Is it beyond the redeeming value of God's own blood (Acts 20:28).  I think your sin has met its match in the blood of God, don't you?

Perhaps you haven't blown it for a while now but you're realizing you operate according to a functional righteousness.  You hate sin only because it spoils your 'holy count'.  You're proud and graceless.  Well meditate on Philippians 3:1-11.  Know that such 'righteousness' is dung and reckon it all as loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ.  He alone is your life and peace.

Or perhaps you're a blogger who writes about grace.  You can dissect the sins of works-righteousness and see through latent Pharisaisms.  Well neither are you righteous for your pithy critiques of the flesh.  You haven't got it figured out.  If you know anything it's that you're ignorant.  If you have any strength it's only found in your helplessness.  There's no credit to your insight, there's only rest in His mercy.  You are nothing.  Jesus is everything.

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