Why do two people end up marrying? Love at first sight? Spiritual discernment?
I just came across my new favourite phrase: "interlocking neuroses."
Bully seeks victim for ongoing abuse and re-abuse
Emotionally detached seeks career obsessed for parallel existence
Noble rescuer seeks troubled soul for noble rescuing
Damaged soul seeks jovial baffoon for shallow comfort
That kind of thing.
No marriage is free from this. To some extent all of us married our spouses to fit in with our neuroses.
Which is yet one more reason why the phrase "We promised we wouldn't change each other" is death to a marriage. Our only hope is continual repentance of these flesh dynamics.