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17 thoughts on “Marriage wisdom

  1. Heather

    Not sure that my offer of wisdom is all that "wise" but I'd suggest you "start from the beginning" and be sure to lay the foundation of what marriage has always been meant to represent. Jesus (when speaking of divorce) and Paul (on roles of husband/wife) both referred back to the Creation account of the woman being taken from man's side.

    Our marriage relationships are meant to be a visible "picture" of Christ's relationship with His Church. There is a truckload of "people to people" marriage counseling floating about. Seize the chance to set the record straight!

    One other thought. A graphic that our marrying pastor used (and I've never forgotten) is one of a triangle, with God at the top and the husband and wife at each of the bottom corners. He explained that if we focus on getting closer to each other, we will likely end up opposing and sabotaging our efforts. But, when we together move toward Christ, we naturally will become more unified with each other as we become more like Him....

    Not sure if that helps any.

  2. Heather


    One other thought.

    Several years ago, the Lord showed Craig that, as a husband (even though he's the "head of the home"), it is not his job to give me what I deserve or what I think I want---but rather, what I need. The only way to do that is to be (as you put it) "other centered" and always be looking for what it is that I need from him.

    While it mainly relates to the husband's role, I can verify that when the husband takes on a Christlike attitude of servant-leadership, it certainly can inspire the wife to more happily fulfill her role of "submissive helper". In response to Craig's attitude, I also have learned to look for ways to do what is best for him.

    Marriage is a life-long learning process, for sure. But so much less frustrating when we've had the right perspective.

  3. Heather

    "Marriage is a life-long learning process, for sure. But so much less frustrating when we’ve had the right perspective."

    Not to insinuate that marriage is only about frustration...

    Do you get the feeling I'm taking advantage of your being away from your computer? :)

  4. Gav

    Be realistic...keep it real by giving wise and wonderful advice like:

    > Tell the jelly bean in the jar story

    > Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts

    > The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once

    > Love is blind, marriage heals

    > The husband is the head of the marriage, the wife is the descision maker

    > Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards

    Feel free to rebuke me at any time.

  5. Hiram

    Hey, Glen

    Regarding the topic of conlfict, my advice is:

    Talk about Jesus.

    My mother randomly asked me the other night:

    "Son, what's the secret to a happy marriage?"

    I said:

    "Dying to self. Acknowledging that it's not all about you. Really, it's not about you at all."

    Maybe that sounds naive, or cliche. Whatevs >:P

    But seriously...

    I've learned to bring my complaints to God and His Word first, because the Lord makes my own selfishness bare. Now this isn't to deny the responsibility of our spouse in some "heated disagreement" etc, but to say that we typically have no difficulty in seeing the speck in another's eye - but the plank in our own that's virtually invisible to us.


  6. Heather

    "The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once"

    What if she can't remember, either?

    "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards"

    So, what exactly are you trying to say?

    "Feel free to rebuke me at any time."

    Would it turn you aside from your wayward path?

    Good thoughts about the plank in the eye, Hiram. And so true! True humility is a rare currency amongst us hard-hearted fools.

  7. Dev

    Session 1 - The Trinity - in Eternal Marriage

    Session 2 - The Gospel Proposal

    Session 3 - The Marriage Ceremony

    Session 4 - The earthly married life

    Session 5 - The end of the earthly marriage

    Session 6 - The Church in the Eternal Marriage

    lol...and no one will come past session1 =)

  8. Dan Hames

    Classic Dev!

    I think I commented before but posted prematurely and can't even spell my own name. Glen, I can't offer any good material for this I'm afraid- but hope it goes well. Have a very happy new year!

  9. pgjackson

    1. Why marriage? [Trinity - Christ and Church - Marriage in Genesis 1 dominion mandate]

    2. What is marriage? [Covenant - 'leaving and cleaving' - Sex and union - faithfulness/ faithlessness - kids]

    3. Being married [Character/ roles stuff, built on foundation of all the stuff above - since marriage is for x and y, and a marriage union is a covenant that takes forms z and a, then husbands are called to be like this and wives are called to be like that]

    That's a sort of systematic(ish) approach (and 1, 2 and 3 map onto Frame's situational, normative and existential perspectives, so you could use triangles and stuff!).

    But it could be better to simply spend your weeks doing a bible overview of marriage, bit by bit, and letting the applications to marriage arise that way. Alongside that sort of approach you could plan to tackle one or two 'practical' subjects like 'finances' and 'kids' each week and even plan them as tying in most naturally to the passages you cover in the overview.

  10. Otepoti

    The longer I've been married, the less qualified I feel to give advice.

    Now that we're closing on year twenty-nine, all I can say is, we get up every morning and decide not to divorce today.

    Stable dysfunctionality - it's worthily ignoble.

  11. The Simple Guy

    A husband is to love his wife AS Christ loved the church. The primary purpose of marriage is to reflect Christ and the church.

    Kind of like the tabernacle, the mercy seat, the ark of the covenant, etc. were all symbols of eternal realities. So, when we don't understand the "whys" of roles, or responsibilities, the key is to take it back to Christ and the church. We cannot have accurate marriages without knowing what (Who) we are reflecting.

    Just my thoughts. (stollen from John Piper - sort of)


  12. Missy

    Ha! With only half the experience, I'm with Otepoti. Just celebrated #15 with my high school sweetheart last night. Here's our conversation each year:

    Year #1
    Me: Why do you love me?
    Him: You're beautiful, smart, kind, blah, blah, blah...

    Year #5
    Me: Why do you love me?
    Him: You've given me these perfect children...

    Year #10
    Me: Why do you love me?
    Him: Why do you always ask me that?

    Year #15
    Me: Why do you love me?
    Him: Don't know. Just do.

    Unconditional commitment. Finally made it. ;)

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